Friday, May 29, 2009

National Spelling Bee Champion - Kavya Shivashankar from

Some commentary about the spelling bee -

From Midwest Voices
Kavya Shivashankar of Olathe, the Scripps National Spelling Bee champion, gives Kansas a welcome national reputation boost.
From Pet Rock: The Pop Culture Blog

Get a look at some of the words in the final round these kids were asked to attempt to spell:


Seriously, these are words? These aren't words. These are those security captcha code words that make you turn your head in nine different directions trying to figure out if that's an "r" or an "f" or an "a" or an "n."

That's funny!

Here's the zinger -

(also from Pet Rock: The Pop Culture Blog)
She won it by spelling her last name. Just kidding!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Penn Jillette and Tony Robbins Are the Same Person

I heard on the radio this morning what appeared to be the voice of Penn Jillette, only to find out shortly thereafter that it was Tony Robbins!

The question is:

Is Penn a motivational speaker or is Tony Robbins just an illusionist?

You decide! I know my answer :)

I am just saddened that Tom Selleck is now selling Robbins' wares. I mean, the guy speaks the truth, but it's just truth that anyone with any sense should know already. Why spend hundreds of dollars just to learn what you already know?

Okay, now you know my answer!

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

GOP: 7 Stages of Grief Over Sonia Sotomayor's Supreme Court Nomination

This is kinda funny...
The right-wing reaction to Sonia Sotomayor's nomination to the Supreme Court was as swift, as it was scattershot, encompassing, it would seem, all 7 stages of grief.
GOP enters 7 stages of grief over Sonia Sotomayor's Supreme Court justice nomination

USS Vandenberg to Become Marine Habitat

It's a nice gesture, but these things always, somehow, turn out wrong. There's probably some hidden toxic material that will kill off hundreds of animals and plants.
The Vandenberg will become habitat for marine life and also will be an attraction for divers and anglers, the TV station said.
Decommissioned Navy ship to become reef -

Obama Get Triple Bagger - Woman, Minority, Poor Upbringing

It remains to be seen whether he'll cross home plate on this one, but it appears that Obama's nomination of US Court of Appeals, Second Circuit, Judge Sonia Sotomayor, is a hit.
Updated, 11:33 a.m. | President Obama’s decision to nominate Sonia Sotomayor for the Supreme Court has cast a spotlight on New York. Judge Sotomayor, who sits on the United States Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit, is the daughter of Puerto Rican parents and was raised in a Bronx housing project not far from Yankee Stadium, and her biography was emphasized in a White House news conference at which Mr. Obama announced the nomination.
Statements on Sotomayor Appointment - City Room Blog -

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

North Korea Performs Another Nuke Test

I know, this is serious stuff. Next thing you know, we'll be invading North Korea. But here's something to lighten the mood from one of my favorite satirists, Andy Borowitz.

Andy Borowitz: U.S. to Respond to North Korea with 'Strongest Possible Adjectives'
One day after North Korea launched a successful test of a nuclear weapon, President Obama said that the United States was prepared to respond to the threat with "the strongest possible adjectives."

Cocaine Found in Red Bull

The ultimate energy drink. See, if we just legalized drugs, we could all be super-human!

The Associated Press: Cocaine test prompts Red Bull removal in Germany
BERLIN (AP) — Six German states have told retailers to stop selling Red Bull Cola energy drinks after a test found a trace amount of cocaine.

Mike Tyson's Daughter is Critically Injured

In another fateful twist of Mike Tyson's life, his 4 year old daughter, Exodus Tyson, is in extremely critical condition at St. Joseph's Hospital after being found hanging from a power cord.
The 4-year-old daughter of former heavyweight boxing champ Mike Tyson was critically injured on Monday in what police said was a tragic accident at home. According to Fox News, Exodus Tyson was found by her 7-year-old brother hanging from the cord of a treadmill. At press time was reported to be in "extremely" critical condition and on life support at St. Joseph's Hospital.
Mike Tyson's Daughter Exodus Critically Injured In Accident - News Story | Music, Celebrity, Artist News | MTV News

Monday, May 25, 2009

Stealing Panties Carries Hefty Bail

He returned them! Pretty sure I would not want them back, even if thoroughly cleaned!
SAN JUAN, Puerto Rico – Puerto Rico police said they have arrested a man accused of snatching 88 pieces of underwear from a neighbor's clothesline. The man was charged with theft and illegal appropriation. Police said Wednesday that he returned all $1,000 worth of underwear to the woman.

They said he stole the items from his 29-year-old neighbor over a period of several months in the rural town of Orocovis. She apparently had to keep buying more to replace those that vanished from her line.

He was jailed Tuesday pending a $20,000 bond.
Man accused of stealing 88 panties from neighbor - Yahoo! News

Friday, May 22, 2009

Rants - May 22, 2009

Welcome to the May 22, 2009 edition of Rants. Do me a favor -- blog about this post (link back to it), twit it, Facebook it, share it. Let's get more folks looking at this carnival, posting to it, and commenting about it!

Of course, promoting this carnival is not your obligation, and I will not decline your Rants just because you didn't help me get the word out about it (it's actually in your best interest to do a little self-promotion about your own Rants here), but I really would appreciate some links back here.


KP Silverman presents Don't Call It a Comeback posted at Kpsilverman's Weblog.

Mikkal Travvis presents American Christians Approve Of Torture? posted at The Last Days.

Wenchypoo presents Global Warming--When All Else Fails, Change the Marketing Plan posted at Wisdom From Wenchypoo's Mental Wastebasket.

old-wizard presents Top 10 Ways to Tell if a Game is Hardcore posted at

GrrlScientist presents Tough Love for City's Homeless: Pay Rent or Get Out! posted at Living the Scientific Life, saying, "Sounding like a story that is fresh out of the satirical newspaper, The Onion, the eighth richest person in America tells thousands of homeless families (most of whom are single working mothers) in NYC to pay rent to live in a shelter or GET OUT!"

Aetius Romulous presents Stock Markets are Not Democratic posted at ScreamBucket.

steven germain presents I don't get it... posted at Rough Fractals, saying, "Why in tarnation do people give money to their former private colleges? I don't get it..."

Wenchypoo presents Keeping Up With the Enemy posted at Wisdom From Wenchypoo's Mental Wastebasket.

Silicon Valley Blogger presents Worst Economic Crisis Since The Great Depression: Who’s To Blame? posted at The Digerati Life, saying, "Thanks!"
Yep. Read this post. It's one person's take on who's to blame. Certainly open for discussion, but it's clear that the "Too big to fail" mantra we've heard so often lately (the last TWO FREAKING YEARS) is bullshit. I say,

"Too big to succeed."

If the government just seized the assets of say, Citibank, I think we'd be better off. We'd cut out all the middle men (i.e., always a waste) and have the same end result, only with less collateral damage.

That's my rant!

Madeleine Begun Kane presents The "We Did Nothing Wrong, & Nancy Should Have Stopped Us" Song posted at Mad Kane's Political Madness.

The Smarter Wallet presents Protect Your Assets From Financial Loss! Avoid Bad Financial Decisions posted at The Smarter Wallet, saying, "Thanks!"

Colin Timberlake presents Forced Fatherhood: Are Men Being Treated Equally? posted at, saying, "Colin Timberlake examines whether reproductive rights are evenly distributed in today's society..."

Biotunes presents Tax corn products for health care posted at Bioblog by Biotunes, saying, "Taxpayer money should pay for the health problems it causes"
I totally agree. This is why we should tax the hell out of cigarettes, alcohol, and why we should legalize so-called "illicit" drugs.

Archvillain presents Prayer is not a substitute for ability posted at A Dark and Sinister Force for Good, saying, "Reality has a heathen bias."

Wenchypoo presents Piety is No Substitute for Technique posted at Wisdom From Wenchypoo's Mental Wastebasket.

That concludes this edition. Submit your blog article to the next edition of Rants using our carnival submission form.

Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.

Technorati tags: ,

Dancing with the Stars Shawn Johnson in a Bikini!

She was delightfully hot and lean back in the day, but let's not forget she was like 12!

Shawn Johnson Bikini
Shawn Johnson Bikini - Revealing bikini pics of Shawn Johnson show just how powerful the tiny gymnast is and how hot she looks in a tiny bikini.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Man Rips Head Off Hitler, Dick Cheney Shudders in Terror

BERLIN (Reuters) – A German court fined an unemployed man 900 euros ($1,227) Tuesday for knocking the head off a waxwork figure of Adolf Hitler in a Berlin museum.

Next thing you know, ole "Tricky Dick" Cheney will be ordering strip seaches and waterboarding of anybody wielding opposable thumbs. It's okay, W., you don't have to worry.

Related post:  Is Obama Hitler?

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Missing Link Found: And It Is Not Jimmy Kimmel

BREAKING NEWS: Scientists have found the link that has been missing that connects humans, chimps, and other apes to lower primates link lemurs.

SHOCKING NEWS: It's NOT Jimmy Kimmel!
"This is the first link to all humans," Hurum, of the Natural History Museum in Oslo, Norway, said in a statement. Ida represents "the closest thing we can get to a direct ancestor."
Ida, properly known as Darwinius masillae, has a unique anatomy. The lemur-like skeleton features primate-like characteristics, including grasping hands, opposable thumbs, clawless digits with nails, and relatively short limbs.
"This specimen looks like a really early fossil monkey that belongs to the group that includes us," said Brian Richmond, a biological anthropologist at George Washington University in Washington, D.C., who was not involved in the study.
While there is a resemblance between Jimmy and the so-called "missing link," there is, sad to say, no relation.

Insider Trading and Other Corporate Bad Ideas

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

KFC Ran Out of Chicken

A few weeks ago, Oprah Winfrey announced that KFC was giving away a new menu item. All you had to do was go online, type in a special URL, and print out your coupon for a free 2-piece chicken meal (including sides).

Yesterday was the last day to get the free vittles, so I did a google map search for the local KFC and found one about a mile and a half down the road.

Guess what?

KFC is giving rain checks for the deal. They'll "throw in" a Pepsi, too, free of charge.

Two Things:
  1. KFC cooks chicken! How can they run out? Why aren't they closed, then? After all, if they have no chicken, what are they selling in there?
  2. Makes you think twice about eating the stuff in the first place. If they really do stay open because they really do have chicken, what was so different about this chicken? Is it really chicken or is it squirrel? How would I know? Maybe it's the remains of dead cats from the animal shelter?
Scary stuff.

Shanna Moakler Resigns from Miss California USA Post

Pageant chief resigns after Prejean keeps crown
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) – The co-director of the Miss California USA beauty pageant resigned on Wednesday in protest over Carrie Prejean being allowed to keep her crown despite a furore over topless photos and anti-gay marriage views.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Snake Attacks Man's Penis While Man Took a Dump

THIS is seriously NOT funny.

Toilet snake attack: urban legend comes true?
TAIPEI (Reuters) – A Taiwanese man became a sitting target for a snake, which bit his penis as sat on the toilet at his rural home, local media reported on Monday.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Lose Your Job? Your Erection? Pfizer to the Rescue!

A LOT of despondent men suffering from job loss and erectile dysfunction just got a happy pill:
TRENTON, N.J. – Pfizer Inc. says it will provide 70 of its most widely prescribed prescription drugs — including Lipitor and Viagra — for free to people who have lost their jobs and health insurance.
Free Lipitor, Viagra, other drugs for jobless

Obama Administration Contemplating How to Deal with Terrorism Suspects

A lot of folks breathed a sigh of relief when Barack Obama was elected President of the United States, especially those folks detained at Guantanamo Bay (aka Gitmo), since he said he'd close the military prison.

But now, he's in a pickle because he cannot just release them, can he?

So he's doing what any politician does: He's talking about it!
As part of its plans to close Guantanamo Bay, the Obama administration is considering holding some of the detainees indefinitely and without trial on US soil, US media reported Thursday.
Obama mulls 'indefinite detention' of terror suspects

How is this any different than just keeping Gitmo open? Moving the pieces doesn't change the game, does it?

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Dick Cheney Knows Dick About Torture

Richard "Dick" Cheney needs to just walk towards the horizon; nobody gives a flying fuck about his opinions any more. He says all the things the Bush team did during the aftermath of 9/11 saved lives, perhaps "hundreds of thousands" of lives.

Sure. I'm getting waterboarded and I'm scared out of my mind but I know nuthin' 'bout any schemes to bring down America, but guess what? I make shit up.

Every intelligence officer knows this.

But what if I do know about an upcoming attack? Won't I say something to stop from drowning?

Yes, I will. But will it be the truth? Debatable.

Bottom line: Cheney cannot speak to hypotheticals or "what might have been." None of us can.

I'm sure that psycho terrorists have hundreds of schemes, plans, and ideas about how to attack us next. Always have. Always will.

That doesn't mean that a) we captured guys who knew anything about future or past attacks, and b) that even if they knew, they'd tell us.

Odds are, we went on wild goose chases and the terrorists laughed their asses off at us. It's a good thing we got pictures of their asses, you know, for future prosecution.

I'm torn, however, on what to do about all this. Do we prosecute Cheney, Bush, and the rest of the Bush administration for war crimes? In my opinion, this was never a war (remember the "war on terrorism?"), so it's hard to even fathom "war crimes." No war, no war crimes. Forget about the crime part for a moment.

Ironically, though, Bush and Company coined the term, used it incessantly for 8 years, so perhaps the idea should be pondered to charge them for war crimes, just for fun. You know, use their words against them. It seems so perfectly DC.

But were crimes committed? I'm not sure. It seems that moral crimes were committed, for sure, but was anything done illegally?

Well, besides the wiretapping, the secret renditions, the holding of people against their will without ever charging them with anything...the list goes on.

But is waterboarding illegal? If it is, then our own military commits crimes every day they "train" people on waterboarding (specifically, to condition them if faced with being tortured themselves).

It is ironic that the "moral compass" (Bush and his born again "god-ism") went so astray, putting the safety of others not in god's hands but in his own. Had a god complex, I think. But I digress.

It's interesting to me that now that Cheney is no longer an inhabitant of the White House Cave, he's come out in public to reveal more of himself now than when he was relevant.

I suggest that he just go to his compound in Wyoming, get on the elevator, and push the Down button. I don't care if it stops in his bunker or goes straight to Hell.

Either way, Dick Cheney needs to vanish again. He's a creep.

Dick Cheney: Why So Chatty All of a Sudden?
For a man whose public profile was almost nonexistent while he was a public servant, it's clear from his schedule alone that private citizen Cheney hasn't merely resurfaced - he's gone on the offensive. The question is, Why?
Why indeed? Trying to get his ass out of really hot water, I bet.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Rants - May 10, 2009

Welcome to the May 6, 2009 edition of Rants.

Madeleine Begun Kane presents Rudy's Family Values posted at Mad Kane's Political Madness.

Middle Man presents Electric Cars posted at Middle Man, saying, "Why electric cars won't save the planet"

John Tedder presents Schuylerville School Superintendent posted at Tedder's Random Notes, saying, "It's ridiculous what some School Superintendents make. Small school districts need to be consolidated to save money."

lavender presents Obesity causes global warming, say scientists posted at News for Freedom Daily.

Greg Laden presents Greg Laden's Blog : This Blogger's Take on the Miss California Maneno posted at Greg Laden's Blog.

David Lamb presents The Casualties of Human Psychology posted at Killer Buffalo.

Jeremy R. Shown presents McArdle distracted by Warren's efforts posted at Rhymes With Clown, saying, "Why are we wasting our time criticizing Elizabeth Warren given all the funny business over at the Fed?"

Wenchypoo presents Using Our Own Money Against Us Part 4 (a new one for me): Rearranging Bank Deck Chairs posted at Wisdom From Wenchypoo's Mental Wastebasket.

Michael Bass presents America Should Not Torture Those Whom She Arrests posted at Barry, saying, "What you gonna do when they come for YOU?"

Madeleine Begun Kane presents They Only Have Themselves To Blame posted at Mad Kane's Political Madness.

Relax presents Should we worry about the recent flu pandemic? posted at The Wise Curve, saying, "Is it necessary for us to get into red alert mode to combat the flu? Or is it just another overrated mass media hoo-haa to influence people’s emotion"
Yes to the latter

Selkirk presents An Abject Failure: The First 100 Days posted at Political Castaway Blog: Broadcasting Conservatism to Rescue America.

Praveen presents Illinois Governor Tries To Eliminate Flat Income Tax posted at My Simple Trading System.

Shot presents First 100 days, the seeds of crisis?. posted at

Silicon Valley Blogger presents The Financial Task I Dread The Most posted at The Digerati Life, saying, "Thanks!"

The Smarter Wallet presents Avoid Scams: Watch Out For False Advertising and Skip The Snake Oil! posted at The Smarter Wallet, saying, "Thanks!"

Madeleine Begun Kane presents Karl's Roving Standards posted at Mad Kane's Political Madness.

NotYourDaddy presents Freedom is Not a Pendulum posted at Government is not your Daddy., saying, "When government takes power away from the people to determine what's in their best interests, that power does not swing back to the people, like a pendulum. The balance of power is permanently shifted from the people to the government, making it easier for government to usurp even more power in the future."

Eric Michael Johnson presents Priming the Pump of a Swine Flu Pandemic posted at The Primate Diaries.

Archvillain presents Ass in nine posted at A Dark and Sinister Force for Good, saying, "We're power-diving this country to ruin for the sake of "the children""

That concludes this edition. Submit your blog article to the next edition of Rants using our carnival submission form.

Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.

Technorati tags: ,

Monday, May 04, 2009


I heard this term on the radio on the way in to work today - the new term for "swine flu" is "hamthrax."


Jon and Kate Plus Eight Wants to Make It Nine

Jon Gosselin of "Jon and Kate Plus Eight" on TLC (about he and his wife Kate raising a set of twins and sextuplets) is in the news again - he reportedly was seen out late at night with a female who was not his wife!
JON AND KATE PLUS SOME MORE UGLY RUMORS: Once again, reality TV star Jon Gosselin is facing reports that he's cheating on his wife, and once again he's denying them.

Reports on several Web sites this week accused the "Jon" half of "Jon and Kate Plus 8" of stepping out on wife Kate when he was seen at a tavern in the couple's Pennsylvania with other women. Gosselin says he his only sin is bad judgment.

"Like most people, I have male and female friends and I'm not going to end my friendships just because I'm on TV," he says in a statement. "However, being out with them late at night showed poor judgment on my part. What makes me sick is that my careless behavior has put my family in this uncomfortable position. My family is the most important thing in my life and it kills me that these allegations have hurt them."

Earlier this year, reports had it that Gosselin was flirting — and maybe more — with coeds from nearby Juniata College. Gosselin denied those reports as well. The Gosselins' TLC channel reality show depicts their life raising 8-year-old twins and 4-year-old sextuplets
OMG, the horror!

First off, is anybody surprised any more about anything?

Second, who cares?

Third, and most importantly in my book, is: So? He went out to dinner, perhaps, with a co-worker who happened to be a woman! Sheesh, people, get a life.

Robert Schimmel Arrested on Domestic Violence Charges

Quite frankly, I'm shocked at the news that Robert Schimmel was arrested for beating his wife. I mean, his  comedy is really raunchy, nothing is off-limits, and he's crude, rude, and loud.

But he seems like such a real guy. Maybe that's the problem?

Anyway, whether or not he did it, Schimmel is one of the funniest people on the planet. I remember taking my wife to see him quite a few years ago, thinking to myself, "WTF was I thinking when I asked her if she wanted to go see him?" as he spewed nasty joke after nasty joke. I was thinking that I just wanted to leave. I was totally embarrassed that I took my wife to his show.

Until I slowly, carefully, slyly looked over at my wife as she was balled up in a laughing fit, nearly peeing her pants.

I immediately knew 3 things:
  1. I was okay
  2. Schimmel rocks even the girls
  3. My wife is totally cool
Here's the story. I hope it's not true. I won't ever be able to go see him again if he hit his wife. Joking about stuff is far different than actually doing it (not that I remember him joking about domestic violence, but I'd be surprised if he never did).
Stand-up comic Robert Schimmel was arrested Saturday on suspicion of beating his wife. Los Angeles County sheriff's deputies said the comedian, 59, was taken into custody after an alleged fight at his Calabasas home. Schimmel was booked in the county jail and later released on $50,000 bail. A call seeking comment from Schimmel's agent was not immediately returned. The comedian has been a frequent guest on Conan O'Brien's TV show and on Howard Stern's radio program. His 2008 memoir, Cancer on $5 a Day chronicles his battle with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma.
Philadelphia Inquirer | 05/04/2009