Change Is Coming to Rants

Hi everybody, I'm contemplating a change to the blog -- I may be moving from Blogger.com to WordPress. Why? Almost all of my other sites are WP blogs and I'm really loving it. So you might see changes here soon.

Which internet browser would you choose: Firefox or Chrome? http://ping.fm/Zyl6W

No Pills Found, But Dirty Tampon Ordered Kept In

In another case of WHAT THE FUCK?, the US Supreme Court has found that strip searching teens in school is not a good idea. Unless you're Clarence Thomas, of course. He wants closer examination of the young white girl's nether region.

School officials in Arizona ordered the girl to expose herself in order to ascertain whether she was hiding pain relief medication in her underwear.

In an 8-1 ruling the Supreme Court found that school officials violated the girl's 4th amendment rights. Well, duh.

Don't schools have more to do than look for non-prescription drugs on kids? What EXACTLY is wrong with Arizona?

Are they crazy from the heat?

Justices: Strip search of teen was illegal - Crime & courts- msnbc.com

WASHINGTON - The Supreme Court said Thursday school officials acted illegally when they strip-searched an Arizona teenage girl looking for prescription-strength ibuprofen.

What a bunch of retarded, sick fucks.

School officials, by the way, cannot be held liable for breaking the law. Which means that even though Savana Redding's rights were violated, they can keep doing it again and again. Talk about a bunch of pussies on the Court!

Technorati Tags: Supreme Court, srip search, war on drugs

Michael Jackson is Dead

He's dead. He's the third in the string - Farrah Fawcett, Ed McMahon, now...it's inevitable.

Or, maybe he's not. The news report does not say Michael Jackson is dead; just that he was rushed to a hospital and CPR was performed on him. That, however, was nearly 3 hours ago...

Plus, I thought he moved across the globe to escape imprisonment and/or bankruptcy...now he makes the ultimate escape. The idols of the 80s are dying...and so too is a piece of my childhood.

LA Times: Michael Jackson hospitalized - Yahoo! News

LOS ANGELES – A fire department official tells the Los Angeles Times that Michael Jackson has been rushed to the hospital.

Steve Ruda (ROO'-dah) told the newspaper Thursday that Jackson was not breathing when Los Angeles Fire Department paramedics responded to a call at his Los Angeles home about 12:30 p.m.

Technorati Tags: breaking news, Michael Jackson, Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett

Fled Sanford: South Carolina Governor Having Affair

This is GREAT news for the Republican party. I withheld comment yesterday when I first heard that South Carolina governor, Mark Sanford, had gone missing. Reports were that we had gone "hiking" (guess I can't use that excuse any more!) - but it was eventually determined that he had gotten on an airplane and flew to Sound America...

Now, the cynic in me was expecting that he'd turn up in a gay relationship with a small boy. I mean, these Republicans and so-called, self-proclaimed "conservatives," have a track record, a soiled history if you will, of coming down with the "gay disease" they so often publicly disdain.

I'm still not convinced that the "Maria" Sanford shacked up with, lost his marriage over, and blew his political career is really not Mario. Until I see pictures of "her" (was "she" formerly a man?), and see "her" tell the full complete story, I'm holding on to idea that Maria is Mario.

Here's a great line from Mark Sanford Mistress Photo:Argentina

Mark Sanford met Maria back in 2001 in New York and the two developed a friendship after she asked the politician some advice on saving her marriage.

He's Dick Cheney! "Hey, find me a Vice President."

Technorati Tags: Gay conservatives, gay Republicans, Mark Sanford, "Fled" Sanford, South Carolina governor

What's the Deal with Iran?

I admit I haven't been paying attention to Iran. We have so many problems here: California is in deep doodoo, I'm losing my job, the economy sucks (but it's getting better!), and Jon and Kate split up (or so I assume).

(That last one really has me worried!)

But I hear that Iran had an election and the results are in dispute. What a shocker! A corrupt government ruled by a "Supreme Leader" or some shit like that (I'll take a chalupa with my Burrito Supreme) -- did anybody think things would turn out any different?

Now, the oridinary citizens of Iran have taken to the streets and started some crap they cannot finish -- without help.

And guess who is being held up as the knights in shining armor? Yeah, the US.

Um, no.

Obama is getting praise from the left for his stance on Iran (stand pat); he's getting lambasted for being sympathetic to Middle Eastern concerns from the right.

Apparently, now the Iranian government is beating the protestors and getting them to admit to acting on behalf of outside interests like our very own CIA!

(Didn't we do the same to those suspected terrorists at Gitmo? Memories...)

Anyway, the real reason I haven't been paying attention to Iran is because I really don't care. I do feel sorry for folks who want a better life. I really do. But why in the world would I think it's appropriate to meddle in another country's affairs?

I know, the US has been doing this for decades. Why stop now? Well, for one, the economy. For two, we're already in Afghanistan and Iraq. For three, the economy. Did I mention the economy?

If we cannot take care of ourselves, how can we take care of others?

Man Falls from Bank and Lives to Get Assessed Onerous Bank Fees Yet Again

I hope he didn't take a "you cannot land on top of the bank" fee!

MILWAUKEE – A window washer survived a six-story fall from a bank building with one thought in mind — when was his safety rope going to catch?

It never did.

"I kept falling," 21-year-old Alex Clay said in a phone interview Tuesday night from Luther Hospital in Eau Claire. "It all happened so fast. I kept waiting. When's it going to catch?

"There's a little roof over the entryway. I bounced off of that and then hit the pavement."

Wis. man survives 6-story fall from bank building - Yahoo! News
Technorati Tags: bank, window washer, fall from tall building

This is a test from ping.fm. Is this thing on?!!!

Grandma Foils Armed Intruder

Moxie!

MACHIAS, Maine – After being told by her daughter that a man in their home was an armed intruder, a 77-year-old woman pulled a gun on him and sent him running, according to court documents. The Bangor Daily News reported that family members have been referring to Doris Gatchell of Princeton as "Annie Oakley" after she confronted the man Friday.

Armed Maine woman, 77, teaches intruder a lesson - Yahoo! News
Technorati Tags: Annie Oakley, armed grandmother

Tastes Great Versus Less Filling

NJ casino fined in brew-haha over mislabeled beer - Yahoo! News

ATLANTIC CITY, N.J. – Ever wonder what the difference is between "tastes great" and "less filling?"

In one Atlantic City casino, it's $5,000.

That's how much the New Jersey Casino Control Commission fined Resorts Atlantic City on Wednesday for having mislabeled beer keg taps at one casino bar on two occasions last year.

In March, one tap was labeled "Miller Lite" and another one "Miller Genuine Draft." But both taps were connected to a keg containing the light beer.

Regulators say a similar situation in August occurred in which taps labeled "Coors Original" and "Coors Light" were both dispensing the full-calorie, full-carb brew.

Resorts declined to comment.

John Ziegler is a Dumbass

I heard that about "50 people" attended the Fire David Letterman protest, but that 35 of them were with the media. My simple math tells me that 15 people attended the ceremony.

Nice.

Power to the people.

Or should I say, "sheeple?"

I've never heard of the idiots who organized this thing; I expect I'll never hear of them again. Apparently, one of the organizers bolted from the scene in a cab when he realized there was nothing there. Almost nobody showed up.

But I did hear some audio from the event. You had the typical idiots spouting off crap about Letterman (you know, he's a perv) along with some bitch talking about how he rapes people with his mouth!

Wow. Maybe Carlin or Bruce or Pryor or Schimmel. But not Dave. He may harp on you hard, but he certainly does not have a filthy mouth. At least in public. He's controlled by the FCC for goshsakes.

Idiots!

But the governor's acceptance didn't stop several dozen protesters from gathering outside New York's Ed Sullivan Theater, where "Late Show" is taped. The event was organized by the group FireDavidLetterman.com.

"We don't believe there's been any accountability at all here," said John Ziegler, a libertarian (code word for "idiot?") Los Angeles talk radio host who is serving as a spokesperson for the group. "We believe he's benefited from this."

David Letterman finds humor in Palin uproar as protesters chant | Show Tracker | Los Angeles Times

No, dumbass, what he's benefited from is YOUR amplification of the episode. Refer to previous posts where other comedians told jokes about Palin...where was your outrage then? This whole thing wouldn't be a thing if not for you and your miscreant cohorts.

Related Posts:
Where Was the Outrage When Conan O'Brien Made Gang...
Jay Leno Told Underage Rape Palin Joke
Fire David Letterman Squidoo Lens
David Letterman Will Be Fired Today
Sarah Palin is the Biggest Bitch on the Planet and...
Letterman versus Palin OR Intelligent Human Agains...

Technorati Tags: David Letterman, Sarah Palin, John Ziegler

President Obama is a Stone-Cold Killing Machine

This is a graphic story. Due to the violence reported, and possible visible violence on the video, you may want to shield the eyes of your pet flies, moths, butterflies, and other flying insects!

President Obama, apparently irritated by incessant fly buzzing interrupting his TV interview at the Executive Mansion took some executive action, but not without warning. The president first spoke to the fly in question, uttering a stern, "Get out of here," but the pesky insect, obviously a Republican, refused to budge.

So, Obama killed him. With his bare hands. Then was proud of it. And you thought John McCain was the warrior! HA!

Obama kills fly, Kate Gosselin "spanks" Leah (Pet Rock: The Pop Culture Blog) - Newsday.com

Where Was the Outrage When Conan O'Brien Made Gang Rape Joke About Palin's Daughters?

Conan O'Brien said this:

On October 8, 2008, Sarah Palin walked out on the ice with six year old Piper and 13 year old Willow, before the game, Conan O'Brien said, "Saturday night, Sarah Palin is going to drop the first puck at the Philadelphia Flyers' hockey game. Then Palin will spend the rest of the game trying to keep the hockey players out of her daughter's penalty box."

Where was the outrage then? Conan's joke clearly was aimed at Piper (6 at the time) and Willow (13 at the time), IF Dave's joke was targeted at Willow (at the game = the butt of the joke).

For God's sake, Piper was 6! And we're not talking rape, here, we're talking gang rape amongst 20 and 30-somethings on a 6 year old!

Outrage? I didn't hear any...Maybe the Palin's TV was broken. Their phone was turned off. The paper boy forgot to deliver their newspaper...

What do right wingnuts have against David Letterman?

Shannyn Moore: Top 10 Reasons Sarah Palin's "Outrage" is Misplaced and A Little Late...

Jay Leno Told Underage Rape Palin Joke

Where was the outrage?

Underage daughter getting knocked up by John Edwards (that's the implication). Maybe the Palins are too stupid to make inferences.

"Gov. Palin announced over the weekend that her 17-year-old unmarried daughter is five months pregnant. And you thought John Edwards was in trouble before! Now he has really done it." -- "The Tonight Show With Jay Leno," 9/2/08

Comics Crack Wise on Palin's Pregnant Daughter - ABC News

Breastfed Babies Are Smarter

But what about crack babies?

Breastfed babies seem more likely to do well at high school and to go on to attend college than infants raised on a bottle, according to a new U.S. study.

Study links breastfeeding to high grades, college entry - Yahoo! News

Rants -- June 15, 2009

Welcome to the June 15, 2009 edition of Rants. 

Wenchypoo presents Now I'M Changing the Marketing Plan posted at Wisdom From Wenchypoo's Mental Wastebasket. 

Wenchypoo presents The Protectionist Plastic Police posted at Wisdom From Wenchypoo's Mental Wastebasket. 

Sue Roth presents Euthanasia: the path to “dignity”??? posted at IN HIM WE LIVE AND MOVE AND HAVE OUR BEING, saying, "On euthanasia and the decline of physicians' ethical standards." 

Aetius Romulous presents Freud's Bastards posted at ScreamBucket. 

Shaun Duke presents Lit Rant: A Few Thousand People Does Not a Movement Make (Or Why Podcasting Ain't That Great) posted at The World in the Satin Bag, saying, "Podcasting is not as great as some are saying, and I think it's about time someone said so.(If you want me to submit something that is more political, let me know)."

Ruoall Chapman presents Everything you need to know about how to Make Online Beats posted at Make Online Beats. 

Eric Kuha presents Why the California Supreme Court Screwed Up on Gay Marriage posted at Spin One Half, saying, "California Supreme Court has not served democracy. This is a biological take on the same-sex marriage issue." 

Bob Brooks presents The Car CZAR has Spoken posted at Bob Brooks - Prudent Money Blog. 

NotYourDaddy presents Entitlement, Dependency, Control posted at Government is not your Daddy., saying, "For years, our government has been actively encouraging people to become less and less self-reliant. By the same token, it has been making us more and more dependent on government. The flip side of dependency is control. The more dependent one is on another, the more control the other has over them. Perhaps the underlying motivation is not so innocent as politicians trying to buy their constituents’ love. Perhaps it’s far more insidious." 

NotYourDaddy presents Rise Up and Take a Stand posted at Government is not your Daddy., saying, "Margaret Goodwin addresses the Tax Day Tea Party in Grants Pass, Oregon about Our Grievances, and delivers a call to action to rise up and take a stand against overtaxation and overregulation." 

Bob Brooks presents New Credit Card Laws - Victory for the Credit Card Industry and Congress??? posted at Bob Brooks - Prudent Money Blog. 

steven germain presents Why We Believe Big Lies (Iraq & Torture) posted at Rough Fractals, saying, "Lies and more lies..." 

Shot presents Michael Steele is a potted plant. posted at Conunderground.com. 

Wolfgang presents How Small Is This Man's Penis? posted at Inebriated Discourse. 

Glowing Face Man presents Why English Should Not Be The Official Language of the U.S. posted at Glowing Face Man: Awaken the Badass Within, saying, "I don't think the government should "officially declare" English to be the "official language". I think it's a stupid wedge issue!" 

Rick Foreman presents Proselytizers at the Door posted at Waiting for the Singularity. 

Madeleine Begun Kane presents Hark! The Disgraced Former Speaker Speaks. posted at Mad Kane's Political Madness. 

Greg Laden presents Happy Memorial Day, Jane Fonda posted at Quiche Moraine. 

Mikkal Travvis presents How To Survive A Flu Pandemic posted at Bird Flu Pandemic. 

Muhammad Usman presents Drones and FATA posted at here's my dodo. 

Archvillain presents American Taliban posted at A Dark and Sinister Force for Good, saying, "Why do we permit superstitious savages to operate freely in defiance of our laws?" 

Wenchypoo presents Late Night Energy Examination posted at Wisdom From Wenchypoo's Mental Wastebasket, saying, "This post has absolutely nothing to do with politics, but it will show you what Obama's "efficiency quest" will bring us in the future." 

Wenchypoo presents Examining Efficiency Again: About Those Dishwashers... posted at Wisdom From Wenchypoo's Mental Wastebasket, saying, "A follow-up article to my last submission, and yet MORE info on the effects of Obama's "efficiency quest" down the road.

In the end, what we'll wind up with: washers and dishwashers that take an hour to run a load, and dryers that take 3 hours or longer to dry a load, depending on what's in it. In short, it's machine use discouragement, and we're back to Granny, the wringer washer or scrub board, and clotheslines...not to mention having our kids stand in chairs beside us at the sink helping us do dishes by hand.

So much for labor-saving devices!" 

Rabbit presents Feminism and Circumcision posted at Rabbit Write. 

gary ganu presents Why Multiculturalism is Bad For America posted at garyganu, saying, "Conservative news and opinion, mostly opinion. I base my views on my personal experience, reason and common sense."

That concludes this edition. Submit your blog article to the next edition of Rants using our carnival submission form.

Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.

Technorati tags: rants, blog carnival.

Officer Got More Than He Bargained for in Egg McMuffin

That is nasty!

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. – Authorities said a man faces a felony charge after allegedly spitting on a police officer's McDonald's breakfast sandwich. Police said a 32-year-old man was working the drive-thru window at the southwest Michigan restaurant when an unidentified officer bit into an Egg McMuffin on June 3 and immediately realized something was wrong.

Man accused of spitting on officer's Egg McMuffin - Yahoo! News

Fire David Letterman Squidoo Lens

When you're up against a juggernaut, you learn to embrace small victories - I just snatched the title, Fire David Letterman, on Squidoo.

Read my (Don't) Fire David Letterman Squidoo lens now. Show your support. This could backfire on me (and on Dave), of course, but there are two things about this story:

1. I am a HUGE David Letterman fan, and
2. I hate Sarah Palin and everything she stands for!

Thank our creator that she didn't become second in line when John McCain keeled over from the stress of being President!

David Letterman Will Be Fired Today

As you know, if you've been here once, I'm a HUGE David Letterman fan. He's simply the best late night talk show host EVER (yes, better than his idol, Johnny Carson, whom I also loved).

But the flap over Sarah Palin is getting out of hand. There's a group that's been formed that is calling for Dave Letterman to be fired. (Can you guess the URL? I'm not giving it out here but it's of the format, "Fire [insert host name here].com")

Les Moonves and Dave have a love-hate relationship. Dave pokes fun at CBS all the time. I'm sure Les doesn't like it.

Today, it's common for people to be fired for what they say, even if what they say is what they're paid for. But it will come down to how much flak CBS gets over this: Just follow the vanishing money.

If advertisers leave the Letterman show, you can be sure that CBS will leave Letterman. Fired.

It's a shame, too. The joke that has the rightwingnuts ruffled is certainly no worse than thanking a murderer for killing a doctor. Wait, I take that back. It's WAY worse.

We hurt somebody's feelings (by the way, this is a bimbo who's proud of her public persona of being a pitbull with lipstick), which is way worse than just killing them.

I think Barack Obama ought to get Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Glen Beck, and all those other puppets of the idiots masquarading as conservatives FIRED, too. After all, they've called him a socialist, and that's way worse than saying somebody got knocked up. That is, if you're an American! Like these impostors like to portray themselves.

You can read how I really feel here.

Sarah Palin is the Biggest Bitch on the Planet and She's a Pedophile Too 

Sarah Palin is the Biggest Bitch on the Planet and She's a Pedophile Too

I hated her when she ran for VP (no qualifications, other than being a bitch, like Cheney), and I hate her even more now. Yes, I'll admit, she's somewhat HOT on occasion, but bitches usually are (they know they can get away with it).

(Here's a short list of all my posts about how I love hate her so.)

• McCain Picks a Chick!
• John McCain -- Smart Enough to Steal Barack's Thunder? No. But Maybe Lucky Enough. 
• Sarah Palin Is a Marxist
• It Costs a Lot of Money to Put Lipstick on a Pig 
• Is Palin Qualified To Be President?
• Still Feeling Good About the McCain Palin Ticket? 
• More on Sarah Palin and Her Readiness to be President
• BREAKING NEWS: John McCain Has Put Lipstick on a Pitbull 
• Notes on Sarah Palin

I'll also admit that I'm a HUGE David Letterman fan. I grew up watching Dave. He's simply the funniest and BEST late night talk show host ever.

But I digress. Did Dave cross a line when he made a joke about Alex Rodriguez knocking up Palin's daughter? I don't think so.

Here's the quote:

One awkward moment for Sarah Palin at the Yankee game, during the seventh inning, her daughter was knocked up by Alex Rodriguez.

First off, that's funny. Second, one of Palin's daughters was knocked up, underage, unmarried, and she's now a single mom. Third, it seems that A-Rod (how appropriate?) will screw anything. Sarah herself should have been afraid.

Now, was Dave talking about Sarah's already-once knocked-up daughter, Bristol, or her 14-year old daughter? Does it matter? I mean, really?

This is what the bitch with lipstick said:

...I would say that you and anybody else are extremely naive to
believe that very convenient excuse of David Letterman's the other day.

Sarah Palin made the choice to enter the national spotlight. If she thought that her family was off-limits, then she's the naive one.

Sorry, Sarah, you're an idiot. It's so convenient for you to make the barbs, but you get all hormonal when somebody else does.

How's this for taking a joke and making it worse?

In a sharply worded response to the off-color remarks, a Palin spokesperson said earlier this week that "it would be wise to keep Willow away from David Letterman," a veiled suggestion that he couldn't be trusted around teen girls.

Asked Friday to explain the statement, Palin dug her claws in.

"Hey, take it however you want to take it," she shot back. "It is a comment that came from the heart that Willow, no doubt, would want to stay away from David Letterman after he made such a comment. And you can interpret that however you want to interpret it."

Really? David Letterman is a pedophile because he made a joke about the morals of your family? I think you're the pedophile, Sarah Palin. You let your daughter get pregnant, probably in your own house, before she was mature enough to be a mom. And you probably wouldn't let her have an abortion or put the child up for adoption. Some might say you are an accomplice of a sex crime.

Here's the story -- Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin: David Letterman encouraged 'acceptance of abuse of younger women'

Letterman versus Palin OR Intelligent Human Against Stupid Cyborg

Hollywood Feuds - ABC News

David Letterman's latest target? Sarah Palin, governor of Alaska and former Republican vice-presidential candidate. Letterman took aim at Palin in his June 8, 2009 monologue, making fun of her recent trip to New York City.

The late-night comic joked that she bought makeup at Bloomingdales to "update her slutty flight attendant" look and keyed the car of her famous doppelganger, Tina Fey. Gov.

Palin responded in an interview on John Ziegler's radio show June 9, calling Letterman"pathetic" and saying it's "very sad" he chose not to recognize the charity work she did in New York.
(Getty Images/AP Photo)

No, Sarah, it's pathetic that you cannot take a joke. After all, you're a public figure, and it's part of the deal.

Can't stand the heat? Hire an illegal to do your cooking for you.

Grandmother and the Taser

Watch the video. The officer did her a service. She has a filthy mouth, she resisted arrest, she could have been run over by passing cars, and I would have done a double-leg take-down, hog tied her, and duct-taped her mouth.

Then, I would lose my job, get sued, and lose.

A feisty 72-year-old great- grandmother was tasered after a police officer pulled her over for speeding. The Travis County, Texas dashboard camera captured the altercation between officer Chris Bieze and Kathryn Winkfein that happened last month.

This is one of many reasons I am not a police officer.

Police Officer Tases Great Grandmother - ABC News

Must See TV - Stephen Colbert in Iraq

Stephen Colbert gets a crew cut in Iraq | csmonitor.com

Stephen Colbert gets a crew cut in Iraq
Gen. Ray Odierno shaved the comedian's head – under orders from President Obama – during one of four shows of the Colbert Report taped on location in Baghdad.

Happy Birthday!

Hey, if it's your birthday, take this picture to heart. It's how I really feel about you!

Seriously, this is my famous "blank stare." It's good to know that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

My boy has it down.

Lebron James: Big Baby or Just an Ass?

After losing in the NBA conference finals, Lebron James, of the Cleveland Cavaliers, didn't do the obligatory "congratulations parade" with the other team. He said,

If somebody beats you up, you’re not going to congratulate them. It doesn’t make sense for me to go over and shake somebody’s hand.

Of course, when he won, he was there standing in line for the handshake.

What an ass. Somebody needs to teach that kid some manners.

King James left the playoffs as a loser - NBA - Yahoo! Sports

Jose Canseco Loses Again

"Hoser" should stay out of the ring...

Canseco came into the arena to ``Wild Thing'' with a baseball bat on his shoulder. The way things turned out, he probably should have kept the bat.

Canseco strikes out in mixed martial arts debut

Sex as Cancer Cure?

Docs advised sex for cancer | The Sun |Woman|Health|Health

NEWLY WEDS Rebecca and Scott Hunkins were told by docs to have SEX to help Rebecca recover from devastating cervical cancer.

If anything good ever came of cancer, this has to be near the top of the list. At least as pleasures of the flesh go.