Monday, April 28, 2008

Solving Illegal Immigration: US To Buy Mexico

The United States should buy Mexico. Not only will doing solve, overnight, the illegal immigration issue we all seem so up-in-arms about, it will provide us the oil we need to fuel our profligate ways.

We could have, and should have, taken Iraq's oil. Maybe we have. But the damned black gold ought to be free right about now, but NO, we're taking a bath for everything we buy, because it's all transported somewhere (China to Wal-Mart) and that route is paved with oil, smog, and profit.

Now, I'm not one to pooh-pooh the profit motive. Au contraire, gentle reader, I wholeheartedly embrace it. Thus, the reason we should buy an oil-producing nation and use the oil for our own benefit.

Not only will labor be cheaper, so, too, will be one of the raw materials that is an input cost to nearly everything on the planet.

In the meantime, we could start harnessing wind, water, and solar power. Forget corn -- ethanol is the biggest fallacy of the 21st century. By some accounts, corn ethanol costs more to produce than it makes and it's only causing food shortages and food price inflation.

Yes, we should buy Canada, too, while we're at it. They have huge oil and mineral reserves, a ready supply of land, and that pesky problem of too much snow will go away once we have access to free oil.

This post is mostly in jest; however, we need to rethink our ways and partner with those countries that actually have shown some interest in working with us and who don't run counter to our democratic ways.

Saudi Arabia and the rest of the Middle East, are you reading this? The first thing I'd do as President of the United States would be to put the Arabs on notice: You've got 24 hours to work with us or we'll turn your desert land into a Texaco-Chevron-Exxon-Valero parking lot.

And by "working with us," I mean stop treating women as objects, embrace democracy, rid yourselves of thousand-year-old thinking, and give us more of your tasty, golden-brown sweet oil. For free.

Extortion? Yes. Doable? Most definitely. Advised? Not so much :)

Good day.


E.J.T. said...

Yeah America should definitely impose it's ideals on foreign countries, because Americans know whats right for everybody else.

billspaced said...

You know that post was tongue-in-cheek, right?

Anonymous said...

There is nothing wrong about being better than everybody else, or being arrogant about. This is the best country on earth, and (in most cases) we do things better, and do know what is best.

Imperialism is not a dead method of expansion, just frowned upon... we should buy Mexico.. and those quiet sneaky ones up north.... We should ignore the buggers in the middle east, they are just sucking up our money while we suck up their oil.

billspaced said...

I agree on the Middle East. Just leave them alone, find our own energy sources, let them suck their wells dry.

At the very least, we should utilize our relationship (both political and proximity) with Mexico and Canada to our mutual benefit. Every good business transaction has two benefactors: The buyer and the seller.

In most cases, we'd be the buyers of goods and labor, Mexico the sellers. Or, looked at another way, they'd be buyers of US Dollars. Perhaps that would prop up the value of the US Dollar.

And lessen the impact of OPEC trying to crush us.