Cut and Run: Bush's new Iraq exit strategy

President Bush has met with Pam Anderson, Britney Spears, and Renee Zellweger and has formulated a new exit strategy from Iraq: Cut and Run.

*** SATIRE ***

US, UN place bans on exports of luxury goods to North Korea

This one takes the cake -- and the cognac, iPods, and jet skis. The United States and the United Nations have jointly decided that they will curtail US exports of so-called luxury goods (like the afore-mentioned iPods, personal watercraft, and the like) to North Korea, supposedly in order to stifle Kim Jong Il's power.

Better this than actually talking with the guy. This is like taking your ball away when the pick-up game doesn't go your way...such a childish thing to do.

San Diego bans Wal-Mart Supercenters

Say what you will about Wal-Mart: Greedy capitalists or super-low prices...this decision by the city council of San Diego smacks of stupidity and self-righteousness.

Pfizer laying off 20 percent of sales force

Pfizer, infamous for Viagra, is laying off 2200 sales people due to sagging (ahem!) sales.

Top Ten TV greatest catch phrases

TV Land posted their TV top 100 greatest catch phrases. Here are my Top 10:

1. "Bam!" (Emeril Lagasse, "Emeril Live")
2. "D'oh!" (Homer Simpson, "The Simpsons")
3. "Dyn-o-mite" (J.J., "Good Times")
4. "Norm!" ("Cheers")
5. "Oh, my God! They killed Kenny!" (Stan and Kyle, "South Park")
6. "The thrill of victory, the agony of defeat" (Jim McKay, "ABC's Wide World of Sports"
7. "Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?" (Arnold Drummond, "Diff'rent Strokes")
8. "How you doin'?" (Joey Tribbiani, "Friends")
9. "I'm Rick James, bitch!" (Dave Chappelle as Rick James, "Chappelle's Show")
10. "I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV" (Vicks Formula 44 ad)

New leader of Christian Coalition steps down

Isn't it telling that the president-elect of the Christian Coalition, who wanted to expand the group's focus from anti-gay and anti-abortion to the environment and poverty, was told,

These issues are fine, but they're not our issues, that's not our base.

?

Rush Limbaugh for president!

Oh, god, no. The fat bastard, leader of the "Dittoheads," perennial drug user, homophobic moron proclaimed yesterday that we should just blow up the Middle East. Way to go, Rush! I bet you'd yell "FIRE" in a crowded theater, just to watch the ensuing madness. It'd get you all hot and steamy inside, wouldn't it?

You and your supposed 13.5 million followers need to be exposed for what you are: Hateful, stupid egomaniacs with no conscience or brainpower.

Man blames Putin for his death

What's wrong with the title above? How can a man blame someone for his own death? I mean, he could blame Putin for his poisoning, but not for his death.

Silly headline, and I just propagated it. You're welcome!

Sean Connery condones slapping women, but only if her behavior "merits" it

Don't think my wife thinks he's so hot any more...

Defeat telemarketers with these diversions

The article at the Jump tells of various ways that people have gotten off the phone with telemarketers.

Obama and Edwards: Two guys I would vote for

Here's two guys I'd vote for. Both relatively young and inexperienced. Unlike our current president, who's certainly not old and very inexperienced (after all, he needed tutors to teach him foreign policy -- I guess he wasn't a very good student), these guys are smart, handsome, well-spoken, and look "presidential."

I think they're genuinely good candidates to run for president. They have much better chances of scoring with the opposition than Hillary Clinton, in my opinion.

Big 3 automakers to become Big 2?

This is purely speculation on my part. I have no basis for arriving at the conclusion, other than that it would make a tasty story. Well, at least an interesting story.

With all the talk of Ford and GM in the dumps, is it possible that the two biggest American automakers might join forces (i.e., merge) to compete with their Japanese and European counterparts? The resulting company would be enormous. But there would be a lot to gain in terms of synergy, efficiency, and capital.

Much of the overlapping manufacturing capacity could be sold off to, guess who, the competition. Ford-GM would have much more bargaining clout when it comes to negotiation of contracts with the UAW. America's best and brightest managers could be recruited and/or retained to build a better car and brand. Many of the non-core businesses could be sold off. It looks like a win-win to me.

Rudy Giuliani in drag

Remember this one when you decide to cast your ballot for Rudy --

Operation Relentless Smear

It's satire, but it might just work...using negative ads, created by all the jobless post-election TV political producers, to embarrass and demoralize the Iraqi insurgents.

One more for the road

Clearly edited, but funny nonetheless.

Sovereign, as defined by our leader

I guess now that the Reps have lost both houses of Congress, it's beat up on Bush day. That sounds like a great name for a new presidential holiday!

What the hell is wrong with George Bush?

JOKE: The senator, heaven, and hell

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the man.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse. Standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf; and then dine on lobster, caviar, and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

"Now it's time to visit heaven."

So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time.

Before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The senator reflects for a minute, and then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.

"I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse. We ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning…Today you voted."

California man arrested for sending threats through mail to Jon Stewart, Nancy Pelosi, and David Letterman

Chalk this one up to "how not to get free publicity." What a 'tard.

Bush: AWOL during Vietnam War; Bush's balls MIA since mid-term election

*** Satire ***

Aides to Mr. Bush had indicated in recent days that he was "concerned" about the whereabouts of his testicles and was hoping that Rep. Pelosi would set a firm timetable for their safe return.

Full story at the Jump.

Controversial abortion restriction before the Supreme Court

Pro-life or pro-choice. It seems like an unwinnable either-or proposition. I think I'm both. Of course, I am pro-life. I want people to live healthy, happy lives. I am also pro-choice. I believe people have the right to do with their bodies what they wish.

I wish abortion were a topic only talked about rhetorically. But the fact is, abortions, millions of them in fact, take place in the US every year. It is an unfortunate result of, in some cases, poor planning on the part of two consenting adults.

The Supreme Court has ruled that a woman has a right to choose how she uses her body. While I disagree that it's only a woman's right (what about the potential child's rights and the rights of the father?), I do believe that on balance, it is much more HER choice than anybody else's. So, on this matter, while I cannot wholly support it, I do agree with the Court's decision.

The article at the Jump , however, deals with a perhaps misunderstood form of abortion that many opponents have been calling "partial birth" abortion. This is a misnomer at best and purposely false and misleading at worst. I don't know all the details of how abortions are performed, much less this one, but I can only guess that if one watched one, one would be inclined to vomit. But I'd say the same about brain surgery, cancer removal, or breast reduction: They're all gruesome to watch. But their gruesomeness does not reflect negatively on their necessity.

There are varying degrees by which abortions are "necessary." Let's say that a woman was raped and became pregnant (most rapists, I would guess, do not take the time to slip a condom on before they commit the crime; therefore, birth control is not an issue). She's 12. Should she choose to carry out the pregnancy? She's 12. She can't even decide if she wants a pink dress or a blue dress. So, as a society, do we wish to support her and her baby into adulthood?

For it is the conservatives who believe that family is all-important, and this future child has no father (he'll presumably be caught and imprisoned) and really won't have a mother until he's 12. So, are these abortion opponents ready to pony up and create a social program that cares for not only the child but the mother and her family? It wasn't her fault that she was raped. Remember, rape in the criminal courts, is considered a crime against society, not against just the victim.

I really don't think that anti-abortion activists are ready to take on this financial and societal challenge.

Or let's say that a competent doctor decides that carrying out a pregnancy will not only result in the death of the child but the death of the mother. The only viable way to keep the mother alive is to abort the fetus. Now, do we let both die ("It's God's will") or do we choose to save the mother?

In these two cases, I'd imagine, most thoughtful people would choose abortion. They'd be pro-choice, I think. Now, how this abortion is carried out ought to be a choice between the patient and her doctor. Politicians and judges ought not to be encouraged or allowed to make this determination. After all, they don't necessarily get involved in how breast cancer is treated, for example (remove the cancer only or the entire breast?). So they should not get involved in this delicate and sometimes necessary procedure.

I am doubtful, however, that the very conservative Supreme Court will overturn this ban on a controversial form of abortion.

How long will the honeymoon last?

One has to wonder how long the honeymoon between the Democrats and President Bush will last. Bush claims that partisanship is over.

I guess it has to be for him, since he no longer has a bunch of rubber stampers in his stead. Where was his "bipartisanship" before Tuesday? Remember his "mandate" when he won the 2004 election by only 2.5%?

I think the only "mandate" Bush has was his weekly conference call with Ted Haggard.

My prediction: The lame-duck Congress will try to push through a bunch of crappy bills (like Richard Pombo's Rape the Environment bill and the warrantless wiretapping bill), the President will sign them into law, and the Democrats will stew until January, when not only the honeymoon but the marriage will officially be over.

Dead man wins election

This should come as no surprise, but it's always illuminating -- a man dead for a month won an election in North Carolina. I'd normally make a snide comment here about how stupid people are in North Carolina, but this happens all over the United States.

So, here's a snide comment about US voters: There are a lot of stupid people out there, not just in North Carolina.

Cheney Reminds Bush He Has Pictures of Him Naked

Vice President Dick Cheney has some nude photos of President Bush with a goat, according to Andy Borowitz over at the Borowitz Report.

*** SATIRE ***

Rumsfeld out, humane treatment in?

Not more than a few minutes after soon-to-be House Speaker Pelosi called for civilian defense department leadership to step down, Donald Rumsfeld stepped down. I wonder if it was by choice?

Now that Rummy's out, can we count on some real progress in Iraq? I doubt it, but I hope I'm wrong.

We need to get on our knees and beg the UN to bail us out of this mess. I am sure that Bush can do this. He really does want a legacy that doesn't include multiple instances of failure in it. This would be one small step for a man, one great step for mankind.

Bush asks for "do over"

President Bush has asked for a "do over" on his call to keep Rumsfeld and Cheney on board, even though they have proven to be more like boat anchors than engines.

*Satire* at the Jump.

Richard Pombo loses! Democracy and the environment win!

Where do I start? The jerk in me wants to begin by saying that Dick Pombo eats horseshit for breakfast and washes it down with cow piss (he's a rancher, you know). But the humble gentleman I am says that I should just state the facts.

So, with the above paragraph, I have effectively killed two birds with one stone, not unlike Pombo himself, who wanted to kill all living things other than Republicans, including birds, deer, spotted owls, and your dog.

I guess the jerk in me won out. Sorry.

Here's some interesting facts, now that I got the insults off my chest.

Pombo and his Repugnican cohorts in Congress re-jigged the districts that they represented, presumably to make it easier to win reelection (that didn't work, at least for Pombo). The results are rather illuminating. CA-11 is a meandering district that has some really strange boundaries. I guess Pombo thought that re-drawing his district to capture more Republicans was sound political science. The district includes portions of Alameda, Contra Costa, San Joaquin, and Santa Clara Counties. Pombo lost resoundingly in all but one, San Joaquin, where he lives and where he and his family own a lot of agricultural land. He won San Joaquin by 2 points, 51-49.

CA-11 is 43 percent Republican, 37 percent Democrat. 20 percent, presumably, could go either way, I suppose. If people voted with their party, which they generally do, that leaves 20 percent left to decide. If McNerney ends up winning 53 to 47, as is the score right now, that means that 80 percent of those not identifying themselves as either Republican or Democrat voted for McNerney. That, to me, is astounding. I would expect a figure greater than 50 percent, but not 80!

Although I live in Alameda County, I could not vote for anybody in CA-11. Ellen Tauscher is my US Representative. She won by a landslide.

It just goes to show how badly Pombo lost, considering that not only President Bush came out to rally and fund raise for him but also, Mr Bush's wife came out just a few days ago to rally the troops. She failed. Bush failed (what's new?).

I really hope I'm not counting my chickens before the eggs hatch. McNerney is only projected to win. He hasn't won. Pombo hasn't conceded. Nobody's been sworn in.

I guess if Pombo turns out the winner, I can eat crow. Pombo wants to kill them, too.

Election results for 2006 mid-term elections

CNN has a beautifully-done web on the election results for the 2006 mid-term elections. As you most likely know by now, the Democrats have taken control of the House (expected) and the Senate is still up for grabs.

Looks like George Allen and Jim Webb are in a dead heat and there may be a re-count. This is good. George "Macaca" Allen, the incumbent, should have never even come close to losing, not that Webb's a bad guy, but because incumbents in the Senate win, like, 99% of the time (not sure of that stat, but it's really HIGH).

The sweep by the Dems in the House was expected. This election seemed like a referendum not only on President Bush (if only we could have come to this conclusion 2 years ago!), but also on the war in Iraq, the economy, and the scandal-ridden Repugnican party.

Power is a terrible thing to let go to your head, the the Repos really let it get to them. They were, and still are, drunk with power. Like an alcoholic, the key to getting help starts with admitting you have a problem. Well, Republicans will never admit they're wrong, but the people spoke yesterday, and, as Andrew Sullivan has said, this was an "intervention."

I saw Rick "Man on Dog" Santorum's concession speech last night. In fact, it was the only one I saw. I grow exceedingly weary of all the hoopla and "news" coming out of the coverage (I mostly watched MSNBC but also watched Faux for its incompetence and petty partisanship, just to see what the "other side" is up to). I liked how Santorum kept his composure and talked about spending time with his family now that he doesn't have a cushy government job.

I got a real kick out of his family, though. His kids were blubbering idiots. I mean, come on, your daddy is most likely set for life (as are you) and he gets to spend more time with you.

Wait! Maybe that's the problem. Maybe his kids were crying because they realize that they're going to have to spend a whole LOT MORE TIME with daddy.

If I had a dad like him (I didn't), I'd be crying at that prospect, too.

I was especially humored by Santorum's saying that they guy who beat him (I don't even know his name; it was Casey) was "a good man." He thought he'd do well. I wonder if that's what he said about him prior to losing? I doubt it.

Anyway, next post -- Richard Pombo's dog died because Dick Cheney shot it.

The origin of the ass and the elephant

In the interest of learning something new -- anything -- every day, here's a page at the Jump telling of the origin of the donkey as a Democratic symbol and the elephant as the Republican symbol.

I personally think each ought to go away, in favor of something more modern (not as though we have any new interesting animals), like the wolverine (as Letterman says, "Pound for pound the fiercest animal on the planet!") and the killer whale, or something along those lines.

Republican "values"

Andrew Sullivan on torture and George W. Bush

Sullivan has really come around. I admit I don't read him often, but he used to be, it seems to me, on Bush's side.

Now he definitely isn't. Here's an excerpt:

And that is why the Khmer Rouge used it. And the Soviets. And the Nazis. And George W. Bush.

Here he's talking about waterboarding, a torture technique that makes the subject say just about anything because he thinks he's being drowned.

I think they need to come up with a torture technique that involves fire. Like pouring kerosene on a victim and setting him ablaze.

Hey, he'd most likely die, but he's not going to tell the truth anyway.

And fire's a lot neater to watch than pouring water.

Just a thought. (By the way, I am really kidding, but I would not put it past these a-holes to give it a try.)

Texas Governor Rick "Goodhair" Perry says non-believers are going straight to hell

Well, there you go. Another Texan spouting off about stuff he has no clue about. In all fairness, Perry did not say that people who didn't believe in God would go to hell. A preacher man he listened to at some sort of rally said it.

Perry, afterward, said he didn't disagree with anything the holy man said.

So, he believes it. I am tired of self-righteous religious zealots spewing "facts" they know nothing about. The holy man probably cheats on his wife or has a boyfriend somewhere while saying he's straight.

What a bunch of jerks.

Voting machines crash in Ohio...what's next?

Don't the jackasses who run elections for each state test this stuff out first? Are these things Windows-based or what? Why do we have the technology of some third-world country behind these voting machines?

Does any of this make you really mad? I mean, I could see myself beating the hell out of a voting machine if it failed to take my vote. Sheesh, I could build a voting machine in about an hour that would work and print out a frikkin' receipt!

Anybody could. Go down to Fry's, get a box, build a GUI (MS Access is used now, methinks), and go to town. Give me a bazillion dollars, please. Just solved America's democracy problem.

Now, onto its Constitutional issues: Fire the government. Hire a new one. We're the CEO, you know.

VOTE!!!

There are few privileges (I know, it's not a privilege, it's a right, but you get my point) held with higher regard than our ability to vote. Please don't squander the opportunity that we're afforded only every couple of years.

I haven't made it down to my polling place yet, but I'll get there.

Express one facet of your freedom today. Vote. Make a difference. Be heard.

Australia votes to clone human embryos

What if the United States is the last nation on Earth to allow this or to embrace this? I admit that I haven't kept up on this issue. Maybe we already do clone stem cells? I don't think we do, and frankly, I don't have the time today to "get intelligent" about this topic.

So, what do you all know about this? Are we ahead, behind, or right there in the middle of it all?

I know we don't do stem cell research...at least on a broad basis, only using certain kinds for experimentation. But that doesn't necessarily mean that we cannot clone those cells that already exist (and then not use them. Kinda like farmers getting paid not to grow corn). It seems that most of the flak heard 'round here is about "killing" stem cells that already exist, and, by definition I suppose, doing lab tests on cells kills them. The scrotums -- by that I mean nutsacks -- that believe using these stem cells for research or other purposes is tantamount to killing a human being are a little too nutty for my tastes. After all, humankind would not be as advanced is it is if doctors, scientists, and biologists hadn't experimented with "unnatural" phenomena.

These same people who think we could not evolve from the murky depths of the oceans think that these very basic cells could evolve into human beings. Not sure how that would work. Put a stem cell out on the lab table and it would probably die in a few short minutes. Just guessing. I guess the same could be said for a 3-month-old fetus. (Maybe there's something there?)

But I digress.

What will the US be like if we're the only major country (not to mention all the minor ones that might be ahead of us on this front already) that doesn't do this kind of experimentation? I mean, we, as the human species, didn't need atomic weapons, but that didn't stop us from finding out, before the Germans and the Japanese, how to make the technology work. We beat Hitler to the punch. If we hadn't taken it upon ourselves to figure out nuclear tech, we might all be blond-haired, blue-eyed, German-speaking folk.

It seems that we're falling behind in scientific endeavors. Is it because the current administration doesn't believe in science? They'd rather place their bets on God and faith rather than science and ingenuity. Or is it because our educational and business systems don't value nor do they encourage such pursuits? We live in such a short-sighted society that perhaps looking for cures for AIDS is too far-reaching? Can't make a dollar today if we have to expend $2 today on R&D.

It saddens me that we're falling behind the rest of the world on a lot of things. We have much too much potential to squander it. It's really a shame.

What would you do with $340 Billion?

George Bush would spend it. On an unwinnable war.

And then ask for more. He's got 2 full years left to spend a lot of money that's not his own.

He exhibited this type of behavior before he was President, too. He just didn't spend so much. More here.

Naked man arrested for concealed weapon

Huh?

Bill Maher on what the Democrats need to do to win today

Bill Maher is one of my favorite TV personalities. Me being very frugal (okay, cheap), I haven't subscribed to HBO since Roger Moore was James Bond and Sheena Easton was the hottest thing around (she still is, isn't she?).

However, I really am contemplating subscribing, only for Bill Maher's Real Time TV show.

Here are his points. Read the full article at the Jump.

1) When they say, "Democrats will raise taxes," you say, "We have to, because some asshole spent all the money in the world cutting Paris Hilton's taxes and not killing Osama bin Laden."

2) When they say, "The terrorists want the Democrats to win," you say, "Are you insane? George Bush has been a terrorist's wet dream, and nonpartisan commissions have confirmed that he's a recruiter's dream: theirs, not ours. And, he has exhausted our military without coming away with a win, the worst of both worlds."

3) When they say, "Cut and Run" or "Defeatocrat," you say, "Bush lost the war -- period."

4) When they say that actual combat veterans like John Kerry are "denigrating" the troops, you say, "You're completely full of shit."

So when they say, "Democrats are obstructionists," you say, "You're welcome." Because with a bad administration that has bad ideas, obstruction is a good thing, just as it's a good thing to obstruct a drunk from getting his car keys.

Maher has a way of speaking truth in a humorous, yet enlightening, way. Bravo, Bill!

Double taxation is a rip-off

I have a fundamental problem with the way taxes are collected here in the US. Now, I have lived here all of my life; thus, I have nothing with which to compare. So, take this with a grain of salt.

First, why are coporations taxed, and then when it disburses dividends, those dividends are taxed at the individual level, AGAIN? These corporate income has already been taxed.

So, why is there a tax on dividends at all?

The Bush administration actually did a good thing recently, when it rolled back the tax on dividends from "ordinary income" to a flat 20%. This is good, but it's not ideal.

I would rather that either corporations are not taxed at all and any income that they pass onto shareholders is taxed at personal income tax rates.

OR, corporations are taxed and any income they pass along is not taxed at all when it gets into shareholders' hands.

One or the other.

What do you think? More on income taxes later.

Rumsfeld to keep his job for next 30 years

Sorry, I'm a little late in reporting this, but, after all, this really isn't news, is it? Bush hasn't fired anybody bad. In fact, has he fired anybody?

Some funny comments to the news that Cheney is going hunting on election day

"Would you give Dead-Eye Dick a break already? So he shot his friend in the face. In his defense, he never learned to shoot a gun in Vietnam like most boys his age."

"South Dakota, huh? At least he won’t be shooting people in the face in a blue state. I do feel sorry for this Mel Raines, if he’s bringing bad political news to a drunk and dangerous man."

No joke: Cheney's going hunting on election day

Yep, VP Dick Cheney's going hunting for the first time since shooting his friend in the face. He might just be coming after you, Mr. Democrat. After all, this guy will stop at nothing in order to preserve his Presidential power, up to and including shooting each dissenter, one-by-one.

So be on the lookout for an old man with a hunting vest and a shotgun in or around your polling place on Tuesday. Tricky Dick may be just around the corner, receiving transmissions from the Diebold voting machines, right before the machines change your votes from Democrats to Republicans.

Saddam verdict and the US mid-term elections

The Saddam verdict and the mid-term elections: Obviously, by definition, this is a coincidence. But is it a planned coincidence? Is this a November surprise? Did the Bushies pull this one off?

Does anybody care? Everybody knew Saddam Hussein was a horrible dictator, reponsible for many murders of his own people, so this verdict, I'm sure, is welcome by most Americans.

But how do Iraqis feel? Do they feel vindicated? Relieved? Sad? Remorseful? Ambivalent?

Who knows? We'll never get the truth out of Iraq, no matter the topic. I guess final closure will occur once the image is broadcast around the world of Saddam Hussein's limp body hanging from a noose.

Ted Haggard frequent guest of White House and President Bush

From The Washington Post's Dan Froomkin:

Alan Cooperman writes in The Washington Post: "One of the nation's most influential conservative Christian leaders, the Rev. Ted Haggard, resigned yesterday as president of the National Association of Evangelicals and temporarily stepped aside as pastor of a Colorado mega-church after a self-described male escort accused him of paying for gay sex."

How close was Haggard to the White House?

Tim Grieve of Salon talk to Lauren Sandler, the author of "Righteous: Dispatches From the Evangelical Youth Movement," who reports: "Haggard participates -- or at least he did -- in weekly White House conference calls, and he and the president like to joke that the only thing they disagree on is what truck to drive."

And whether to suck dick or not.

Bush challenges Democrats to offer plan for Iraq

This one is truly funny. "Bush challenges Democrats to offer plan for Iraq." Good one.

What is your plan, President Bush? Do you have one? Are you following it? If so, why are things going so poorly? If not, why not? Oh, wait, you don't have a plan, much less a clue.

Is this some sort of trick? The Dems tell you their plan, you take it, make it your own, and get the hell out of Iraq? Kind of like the Department of Homeland Security (remember, Bush didn't want a Department of Homeland Security. Only after the Democrats in Congress offered up the idea, with a lot of pressure, did Bush accept the idea, then stole it and called it his own. My facts may be a little off here, but I think I remember Joe "Eeyore" Lieberman proposed legislation to make a Department of Homeland Security and the President was against it, before he was for it.)

Brilliant!

You're not nearly as stupid as you look or sound or act. Bravo!

Unemployment rate drops to five year low

Great news! The unemployment rate is now at 4.4%, its lowest rate for the last 5 years! Hooray!

Letters to God end up in ocean

Isn't that where they all end up? I mean, where the hell is the Post Office supposed to send them?

Laura Bush throws integrity aside, stumps for Pombo

Laura Bush has sunk as low as her husband, the First Gentelman, George. She is now campaigning for CA-11 incumbent, Richard Pombo. I guess George Bush coming out last month to rally the troops in Pombo's district wasn't enough. These guys are desperate, now that Pombo's challenger, Jerry McNerney, is leading in the latest polls, by 2 points (a tie, statistically, and who knows who'll show up? The Kerry-motivated base or REAL AMERICANS who vote when there's an election?)

Apparently, her Pombo lovefest is being held by "Goal Line Productions," owned by none other than the son of former Oakland Raider coach, John Madden. I cannot find out where the event is in Pleasanton, which is typical. Only VIPs and invited guests will be allowed to attend. Nobody wants a heckling of the First Lady. Let alone some really scary questions, like, "Why are you endorsing a man who hates children?" (I made that up, he probably loves children, but he wants to kill your dog. Okay, I made that up, too, but he does want to repeal the Endangered Species Act. )

Bush stumping for his Republican Congressmen

President George Bush is on the stump for some of his Republican Congressmen, who are most likely behind or running neck-and-neck with their opponents. One has to wonder why anyone would want Bush in their corner. He has one of the lowest approval ratings of any president, ever. In short, his stature with the American public sucks.

He is giving campaign speeches on 3 key topics:

1. Democrats don't have a plan for victory in Iraq. Neither does he. Oh, wait, his is private. Hey, maybe the Democrats have a private plan, too. You know, so they don't tip off the enemy when they win back control of both Houses. (I know, this is wishful thinking. At the very least, Karl Rove has rigged the machines again to give slim wins to Republicans, to make it look close.)
   
2. Democrats will make us less safe. As if we're safe with this joker. Security "theater" is being conducted right now. All the safety "precautions" we have to undergo at airports is just that -- theater. It doesn't make us any safer. And remember, the worst attack in 60 or so years on our own turf occurred during Bush's watch, when he was focused on the Cold War and Iraq, and took his eye off the ball (PDB entitled "bin Laden determined to attack" only one month before he did).
   
3. Democrats will raise taxes. Well, he may be right on this one. After all, Clinton raised taxes and look where that put us. The economy tanked (it didn't -- in fact, the economy was rip-roarin' nuts), the deficit grew out of control (oh, wait, the deficit went down under Clinton, UP during Bush, by a LOT), and people were throwing themselves out of buildings (oops, they did that only after Bush came to DC, when the NASDAQ fell from 5000 to less than 2000; oh, and when planes crashed into the two biggest buildings in America). And they might have to raise taxes to get our asses out of debt to the Chinese. The biggest threat to our existence is the Chinese and their having us by the collective debt balls.
   

Gay marriage? Has he been talking about this? I don't know. I only know what's reported on TV and I haven't seen any of his tripe about that. And it's probably good, now that one of the top "evangelicals" (Ted Haggard, president of the National Association of Evangelicals, a 30-million member body) in the country may have had a gay relationship with a male prostitute. Hmmm, cover my eyes and it's not there, I guess is what the Republicans are doing.

What with Mark Foley and other Congressional members hiding in the closet, only to have been outed by those they scurried naked around with at summer camp, the Republicans really look like a bunch of hypocritical, gay, confused, imbeciles. More in the next post when I talk about Laura Bush stooping -- um, stumping -- for Dick Pombo in Pleasanton this morning.

Rangel versus Cheney: War of the Words

The banter between the White House and Congress is heating up. If you thought the Kerry-Bush scrapping was good, you gotta see the verbal grenades being thrown by VP Dick Cheney and Congressman Rangel from New York.

Cheney basically said that if the Democrats won the House, they'd raise taxes (by not re-upping Bush's stupid tax cuts) and Rangel would be the one to do it since he'd be the Chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee. By essentially just sitting on his hands, Rangel could kill the re-extension of the cuts, thereby "raising" taxes.

Two things:

• Letting temporary tax cuts expire is not raising taxes
• The tax cuts are due to expire in 2010. Rangel might not even be in Congress by then, let alone the Chaiman of the Ways and Means Committee

Rangel fired back (from the New York Post):

"He's such a real son of a bitch, he just enjoys a confrontation." Rangel said Cheney may need to go to "rehab" for "whatever personality deficit he may have suffered." "When you have those sorts of problems, you're supposed to seek help," Rangel advised.

And the kicker (again, from NYP):

Asked whether he was resurrecting over-the-top charges he made last year that he believes Cheney is mentally ill, Rangel cracked, "I don't think he's shot anyone in the face lately, so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt."

Cheney's response:

"Charlie doesn't understand how the economy works."

Nazi

Wikipedia lists these attributes for Nazism:

• nationalism,
  
• racism,
  
• totalitarism,
  
• homophobia,
  
• anti-Semitism, and
  
• anti-communism

The only thing the current administration isn't is anti-Semitical (we love the Israelis, to the detriment, I think, of the entire Middle East and beyond).

George Bush is not a Nazi. But our government certainly shares similar attributes. I will take each point one-by-one.

Nationalism

After 9/11, the overabundance of American flags on cars was ridiculous. I saw many cars and trucks, not with stickers of American flags, but with actual flags. One guy had a full-size Betsy Ross fastened to his pickup truck. That was outrageous.

Now, I was as heart-broken, shocked, scared, and stunned that America had been struck by terrorist as anyone else. I can remember that day like it was yesterday. The horror hasn't left me. The memory of the planes striking the Twin Towers, the fires, and the collapse of the buildings are etched forever behind my eyeballs. I have never been more afraid, on a national scale, than I had been then. I thought the world might be coming to an end.

However, I didn't put a freakin' flag on my car. I didn't wave Old Glory like I was better than anybody else. National pride is one thing. Back then, I was proud to be an American. Now, I am ashamed. I hope, soon, that my feelings will change.

After WWI, the Germans felt deeply ashamed of their plight. WWI caused WWII. The Germans were wracked with debt, inflation, poor self-image, and generally crappy living conditions. They were in the midst of a global Depression when Hitler arose as a national figure. He had charm. He had charisma. One might say that the typical German would like to share a brew with him. He was not looked upon as evil. Even after the atrocities started happening, Germans defended him.

Now, what this American administration has done is nothing close to the Holocaust. But it's pretty bad, not befitting a civlized society. Beatings, torture, detentions without due process. Secret spy planes taking "enemy combatants" to foreign lands and then beating them to death is not something I am proud of.

But we had to do something. What we should have done is kill bin Laden when we could have. And that's not Bill Clinton's fault. It's George Bush's fault, without a doubt. We didn't invade Afghanistan until 2 months after 9/11. Talk about giving the guy a lead! He left Afghanistan and surely fled to another "-stan."

So, we invaded Iraq. That's were the terrorists were (or were to be?), after all. You know, Sadaam Hussein loved the terrorists. I'm sure he was so in love with them that he had them all shot. Because terrorists don't operate well within a totalitarian regime. The dictator usually suffers some sort of delusion and is certainly paranoid that he's going to get blown up by somebody because he's just such a big dick.

Racism

Of course, President Bush is not a racist either. As Bill Maher puts it, Bush doesn't hate people. He just doesn't know they exist. Rather, it's a class thing with Bush and his cronies. There's the lower class, middle class, upper class, and uber class. (See the German reference? Witty, huh?) Bush belongs to the uber class. The uber class, otherwise known as the ownership society, is the only thing that matters. Witness Katrina, the assault on Social Security, the Medicare legislation, etc.

Of course, it only seems as though brown people make up the lower class. They're the ones you see on the news. But it's not true. There are more poor white folks than black, mainly as a function of there are more white people around than black.

So, much of our "racism" is really mischaracterized: It's really "classism."

But the recent electoral diversion called "immigration" has really stirred America's melting pot. A skeptic might call the debate a racist debate. It's a matter of "what's mine is mine." Most Americans are either immigrants or descendants of immigrants. Only the Native American Indians can truly be called "native." Anybody who wants to keep immigrants out ought to look at their lineage.

I'm all for legal immigration. But ask yourself this: If you were being paid $1 a day and could get $40 a day by crossing an invisible border, which could help you feed your family, would you do it? I'd say you're a deadbeat if you didn't say "Yes!"

It's still all about class, though. It's the case of the "haves" versus the "have nots."

Totalitarianism

If we aren't approaching totalitarianism, I don't know where we're going. From wikipedia:

Totalitarianism is a term...to describe modern regimes in which the state regulates nearly every aspect of public and private behavior...Common to all definitions is the attempt to mobilize entire populations in support of the state and a political or religious ideology, and the intolerance of activities which are not directed towards the goals of the state, such as involvement with labour unions, non-sanctioned churches or opposition political parties. Totalitarian regimes maintain themselves in political power by means of single-party state, secret police, propaganda disseminated through the state-controlled mass media, personality cult, regulation and restriction of free discussion and criticism, the use of mass surveillance, and widespread use of terror tactics (political purges and persecution of specific groups of people).

This description seems to fit the current state of the union to a tee. Warrantless wiretapping, poring over phone and Internet records without any court orders, Faith-based initiatives, anti-Islam, Swift Boating, secret CIA prisons, FOX News, censored and filtered sound bites and audience participation at Bush rallies: All symptoms of the totalitarian disease.

Homophobia

The Defense of Marriage Act pretty much sums this one up. And the fact that gays cannot openly serve in the military. How many openly homosexual people are employed in Bush's cabinet? Now that the Mark Foley scandal has broken, it seems that there might be a lot of Republicans in the closet, but nobody's sayin'.

Anti-Communism

One of the main reasons 9/11 happened was because the Bush Administration took its eye off the ball (the ball being legitimate, plausible threats) and watched out for the Commies. Secretery of State Rice was selected for Bush's cabinet primarily becuase she's an expert on the Soviet Union (which, NEWSFLASH, fell during Bush I's reign. I guess the boy wasn't payin' attention). Rumsfeld had his first stint when the Soviets were a real threat. I guess he thought they were playing possum.

Anyhow, these guys were preoccupied with the Cold War. They didn't pay any attention to al Qaeda. They're nothing but anti-Communist.

Summary

It appears that the United States shares many of the attributes of Nazism. We've come a long way. Only it's the wrong way.

Kerry Found With Duct Tape Over Mouth

Today's Borowitz Report is a good one. It tells the story of John Kerry going missing after his speech about getting stuck in Iraq.

It's SATIRE by the way...

CEO of Compulinx steals employees' identities, racks up massive credit card debt

A lot of us work for other people. We trust that they'll keep our employee data safe. Well, this guy, broke that confidence. Terrence D. Chalk, 44, of White Plains and his nephew, Damon T. Chalk, 35, used employee data to get credit cards, which they then used to rack up some pretty hefty debt.

Terrence, the CEO of Compulinx, faces 165 years in prison. Damon faces 35 years. I hope they both rot in hell.

Heroes revisited

Now that I've seen the Kerry comment about "getting stuck in Iraq," I get it. Context makes a whole lot of difference in this stuff.

Kerry was talking about Bush. He was basically saying that Bush and his cohorts had not done their homework with regard to Iraq; furthermore, Bush's rap has always been that he was never a good student and didn't study hard.

I can totally get what Kerry was talking about.

The White House, yet again, has taken comments from Democrats out of context and has distorted the issue.

Kerry could have said, explicitly, "Bush got us stuck in Iraq because he didn't do his homework" but come on. This distortion by Snowjob and Bush is ridiculous.

This is all they've got. And they do it so well. They take a mole hill and make it a mountain.

The thing that really galls me is that all the "radio pundits" like Savage and Doyle, not to mention Hannity and O'Reilly, all jumped on this and furthered the out-of-context banter. Furthermore, the radioheads (I can only reference Savage and Doyle on this one) said that this comment by Kerry would "motivate the base," implying that the "base" was not going to vote until Kerry pissed them off. I heard so many of the callers to these radio shows lament, "Kerry needs to apologize to the troops." Or, "Kerry hates the soldiers." And, "All 3 of my kids are in the military and they're very well-educated. My daughter said, 'If anything happends to me, don't pull a Kerry on me.'"

What kind of crap is that? What does that mean?

The real issue here is one of voting. The Republican base was going to "sit this one out?"

Don't real Americans vote, each and every time? Don't real Americans believe that it's their civic duty to vote, each and every time?

You mean to tell me that these Republicans aren't real Americans? OMG, what has come of this country? It takes a poorly-worded comment from an also-ran politician to motivate these jerks to vote?

Where do all these stupid people come from? Heck, it's these same people who hate immigrants (and, aren't we all, except for us descendants of the American Indian)! I think the immigrants, illegal or not, can only make this country smarter. It's real easy to raise the collective IQ when it's room temperature, opposed to when it's above average, or only average (to which we can only aspire).

The crap needs to stop.

Vote for the best candidate, based on his/her record, or short of a record, vote based on his/her ideas and integrity. I don't care whether he's Democrat, Republican, alien, or what.

And stay away from jerks who distort what really happened.